At Home at Last

We did come home in the morning of July 2. It has been great not having to drive up to the NICU every day, and having everyone all under one roof!  He really needed to be home for developmental reasons (in my opinion).  He's getting older and needs more stimulation, and boy has he gotten that here at home!

All set to head home!!  YAY!!

First nap at home!

 Micah also came home with lots of equipment.  After we arrived home, a guy stopped by to drop off an oxygen concentrator machine.  This piece of equipment is about the size of a tall garbage container, and we hook up Micah's oxygen line to it.  The first night with this, it kept on buzzing an alarm... even at 3am!  We ended up turning the unit off and using the portable tanks we had.  The tech came back and replaced the machine with an older, more reliable version.  We haven't had any problems since!

Like I said, we hook Micah's oxygen tubing to the concentrator.  To ensure we don't have to move the unit around the house, we have 27 feet of tubing, leading to a small flowmeter.   From there, Micah has a cannula with attached 7 feet of tubing that we hook up into the flowmeter. 

At night, Micah is hooked up to an apnea monitor.  He has 2 electrodes on his chest, and the monitor records his heart rate and respiratory rate.  If his stats go beyond the range setting, an alarm (much like a smoke detector) sounds.  Thankfully, we've only had 1 alarm due to the electrode not picking up his shallow breathing!

Last Friday, we also got a pulse oxymeter.  This measures the oxygen concentration in his blood.  We haven't used this too much yet, but will once Micah is weaned off of oxygen.  There is an electrode that we affix to his foot and attach to the machine.

In addition to all of the equipment, we've had a multitude of doctor and nurse's appointments.  He has seen our pediatrician twice; a home visitation nurse twice, and a pediatric pulmonary specialist once.  Between these visits, we've had various visits regarding all of Micah's equipment, too. 

We're eagerly anticipating weaning Micah off of oxygen!  At first, his pediatrician was going to admit him to the local hospital for observation as we do so.  As that date approached, I was able to get an appointment with the pediatric pulmonary specialist at Children's Hospital in Milwaukee (much earlier than expected thanks to a cancellation!).  She advised that we return to her office in 2 weeks and she will begin the weaning.  She expects that he will first be without oxygen while awake, and then off altogether within 2-4 weeks after that.  We are praying that he does well with this! 

It truly is a task to have him on oxygen.  It complicates the already dreaded nighttime feedings.  I have to turn off the apnea monitor, unplug him from it, and then drag all of the oxygen lines into the living room.  I then have to reverse that on the way back to bed.  We also have to keep a constant watch on the cannula so that Micah doesn't pull it out of his nose.  If he does, its not a huge deal, but we don't want it to be off for any length of time.

It really limits what I can do myself it the kids, too.  Eric took the rest of the week off when Micah first came home, and did half days a few times during the week afterward.  This week, he has been back full-time.  I simply cannot manage a newborn with oxygen and 2 rambunctious little ones in many settings!  I'd love to take them to the water park, but there's no way to do that!  I also can't go up to Tomahawk because it would be a challenge with the oxygen concentrator (and we'd need it).  It was a challenge with just Alena & Levi prior to Micah!

Waiting for the Fourth of July fireworks to begin!  Yes, it was very cold!

Micah does seem to have a few lingering issues.  He has a granuloma in his belly button.  It's basically a small part of the umbilical cord that hasn't quite dried like it should have.  Part of the problem is that Micah has a mega outie for a belly button!  Before we left the NICU, one of the doctors put some silver nitrite on it to dry it up. 

We're also keeping an eye on his circumcision site to make sure there are no complications there!  We had debated whether or not to do it, but ultimately decided to do it to keep him from potential ridicule and such in the future.  We wanted to keep everything uniform with the guys in the family!

Like I promised Micah, though, he gets lots and lots of snuggles!  His brother and sister are enamored with him!  Every chance they get, they are poking and prodding him!  Since he is a preemie, he's extra susceptible to illness, so we've been trying to have the kids wash their hands frequently and not touch their brother too much! 

Mommy is tired and trying to manage as best as we can!  We've tried to do a few family fun activities, keeping Alena and Levi in mind.  We have gone for short walks, visited friends, and even attended 2 parades and watched fireworks from afar!  Unfortunately, with the craziness of the month of June, Alena and Levi have now begun to exhibit more and more undesirable behaviors.  Of course, when I'm holding/feeding Micah, I can't always monitor the older ones the way I would like!  The screaming/whining, hitting/biting, bedtime games, and general not listening really get on my nerves!! 

And, we are officially a family with 3 kids in diapers.  Alena refuses to go to the bathroom on her own and has been repeatedly peeing her pants, even just after being asked if she has to go.  This is about where she was before, too, though.  We were just starting to train Levi, so he is a little confused.  We're planning on an intensive day or two when Eric is around to see if we can get Levi on the right track.  He seems much more responsible and interested in it than Alena has been. 

My work is also awaiting me.  I initially gave August 1st as my return date, and think that I can keep to that.  My supervisor is no longer with IRIS, but I'll be paired with another full-time IRIS Consultant who is quite experienced.  In fact, she has taken my work load while I'm gone and has been praying for us (and offered to bring a meal)!  My caseload is only about 5 participants and I only have to meet with them at the very least, once every 3 months.  Of course that depends upon their needs.  I can do my paperwork and phone calls from home (as long as its quiet!).  My meetings are another story.  I'm not sure where Micah will go for those, but I don't think I'll be leaving him with our normal sitter and our older kids.  It would be way too much for anyone! 

As much whining as I've just done, we are thankful the he is home.  He was made perfect by a God who loves us all.  His innocent look melts our hearts and reminds us of the precious gift that he is.  We certainly look forward to the days ahead as things get better and better in our family!

Coming home?

A quick update:  Micah should be coming home tomorrow (Tuesday)!  He did not do well without oxygen this morning, so we are preparing to have him home very soon!  We were under the impression that we could take him home tonight if he didn't pass, but, today, the doctor said she'd feel "uncomfortable" with us going home tonight.  She nearly required us to "room-in," or stay overnight in a private, hotel-like room in the NICU.  The benefit of that is we'd have nursing support with Micah's monitors and oxygen, and get any kinks ironed out. 

The downside for us is that it is just another night that our kids are away from home, and more time in the NICU for us.  Levi more than likely has an ear infection (I'm taking him in an hour), and hasn't been sleeping well.  It's also disheartening when Alena asks me everyday who is coming over or whose house she's going to that day.  Thankfully, Eric's parents have been extremely generous with watching our kids and have taken them last-minute countless times!! 

Hopefully, I can post more details soon, but I just wanted to get our new info out there :) 

Snoozing in his fancy schmancy swing thing!

A Bit of a Plan

Micah had another trial without oxygen yesterday morning.  He didn't fare any better than when they attempted on Monday :(  Truly, that is the only thing that is holding him back from coming home!  The doctor said that they'd try again on Monday, but he also decided to prepare for contingencies. 

If he does pass his test on Monday, that would be awesome!!  He'd be monitored until possibly Friday before coming home.  In many ways, we'd prefer this option.  So much less to deal with! 

If he does not pass, the plan is for him to go home on Monday, but with oxygen, and a heart/lungs monitor.  With this option in place, Eric and I got trained on how to use the monitor, and let me tell you that the alarm is SUPER annoying!  The good part of this scenario would be that he would be home more quickly, and he would only need to be on the monitor when he's not being supervised (i.e. naptime, in the car, bedtime, etc.).  But, he would still need to have oxygen at all times.  We'd have to regularly check in with our pediatrician, too, to ensure everything is going OK. 

The only other things left to be done are the hearing test, car seat tolerance test, and circumcision.  I really debated on the circ. because he has already been through enough and it is not really a needed procedure these days.  In the end, we gave consent mainly because Levi has been circumcised.  We don't want to have a cause for teasing or animosity in the future. 

So, we're just in a holding pattern until Monday.  We're OK with that.  We like that there is a tentative plan in place and we're beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel... for real this time :) 

On a side note, Micah is an eating machine!  At the beginning of the week, he was eating about 70ml of milk.  Now, he will take as much as 130 ml!!  He now weighs 8lbs 8.4 oz!  A big boy!  Oh how we love our baby and can't wait to show off his cuteness!!!

God's Will

As I was driving up to Green Bay yesterday, I was thinking about a conversation from the night before...

I'm so grateful that Eric is walking this road with me.  As Eric held his youngest son the other night, we conversed about how God made Micah perfect.  He is not a mistake.  God knew exactly what would happen with his birth and seemingly long hospitalization!  He has everything in his hands!  We were just marveling at that fact. 

We were also talking about what God has been teaching us through this ordeal.  Definitely a lesson in patience and not expecting that our son would stay unharmed/recover quickly.  This is not on our timeline nor Micah's.  It's on God's!  We have been attempting to rest in that. 

I've also been learning to both ask and receive help from others.  Eric and I tend to be pretty independent with most things and feel somewhat uncomfortable "inconveniencing" others.  We'd rather just take care of things ourselves.  This situation is one where we haven't been able to do everything ourselves.  Beyond the trusting the hospital staff, we have had to rely on others especially for Alena and Levi's care.  We simply can't bring them to the NICU with us, but still want to be with Micah.  Our family and friends have been great in helping us transition!  Many people have offered and somewhat prodded us to help us out.  We have needed that!  It's amazing when a friend says, "I'll take your kids tomorrow so you can go see Micah!"  without me even asking!  I need that!  I just have to let go of the guilt of thinking I'm inconveniencing people. I'm reminded that when I offer to watch someone else's child, I don't think of it as an inconvenience!  I'm more than happy to help!  So please, ask me to help you in the future, or I may just offer :)  That's what God's community is for, the good times and the not so great!

We have been drawn to rely on praying to God and knowing he hears us, whether we see it or not.  He is our refuge, and is certainly reminding us of that and deepening our relationship to Him through it all!  Thank you Jesus!

3/4 of a Corner??

Micah is still sitting at 1/8 of a liter of oxygen flow.  I can view that as both a good and not so good thing.  He certainly went down on his oxygen dependency, however, he stopped there.  On Monday, the doctor took the cannula off of Micah to see how he would do.  Within 10 minutes, his oxygen saturation level dropped to 74, so he put the cannula back on.  Obviously, Micah wasn't quite ready for that yet!  Afterward, the doctor told me that he would wait until Thursday or Friday to try it again.  Once he is off of oxygen, I believe that he still has to stay in the NICU for a few days for observation.

So, here we wait.  We know he is in great hands, but it is still an emotionally trying situation.  We are leaving our child at a hospital.  Now that he seems to be awake a bit more frequently, it is doubly difficult!  He should be seeing his family and home when he gazes around, seeing the trees sway.  Smelling our family's smells, how our house smells.  Feeling the cool air, his mommy's touch and feeling the warmth of the sun!

On the other hand, we trust the doctors and nurses.  Our other option is to have him at home, but on oxygen and with a very noisy monitor (so we've heard).  With 2 other kids in the house, I sense that having that apparatus at our house might not be an ideal option.  I suppose time will tell.  They're saying early next week he might be home. 

I stayed in the hotel by Micah until Tuesday afternoon and then went home.  Micah had been nursing really well, and the doctors saw that.  That's one huge box checked for his preparations for home life!  There are many babies who are off of oxygen, but aren't home yet because they are unable to bottle feed or breastfeed well enough.  Thankfully, that is not our issue!  I know that my other kids need me, too.  Life has been kind of crazy for them with someone watching them for at least a period of time every day.  They can't go to the NICU (age requirement is 13), and Eric and I feel like we need to see Micah everyday.  At least with having me home, Alena and Levi have a little sense of normalcy! 

Levi also has a cold, which is somewhat tricky for us.  I certainly don't want to catch his cold or bring those germs to the NICU!  I've just been doing a lot of hand washing for both me and the kids!  Pray that it doesn't spread!

Pray for the maturity of Micah's lungs!!  It's the one piece that is holding us back from being a complete family at home!!

Pray for divine patience and emotional strength to make it through what we hope is the actual home stretch!

So Thankful for Great Insurance!

Quick note to reiterate how grateful we are to not only have insurance, but to have decent insurance!  We just checked out our insurance's website where you can view claims.  Let's just say that the NICU charges a flat rate of $3000 per day, not including other incidentals, tests, or the bills from the Manitowoc hospital.  Thankfully, our insurance will be covering a HUGE amount of that and it takes a BIG worry off of my shoulders!!  And, that makes me sooooooooooooooo thankful!!! 

Turning a Corner??

So my Mommy-ness made me want to stay with Micah for the weekend.  I figured that Eric could watch the kids, and I thought that I could work on nursing with Micah!  So, I headed up on Friday evening.  Jeremy and Leslie Edwards met me there and got to snuggle with Micah, and sing him songs.  It's so sweet how they have been supporting our family!

Smiley, yet sleepy Micah on Thursday.

It turns out that between my Thursday 11am visit and my Friday 8pm visit, Micah had been doing great with his bottles!  Maybe that made me a bit jealous, but I thought I should jump on the chance to work on breastfeeding him!  I really wanted to make sure that Micah was more than OK with nursing when the time came for him to come home.  I know that he has to be able to take all of his feedings well before he can go home, and I have no intention of regularly giving him bottles!  I talked to a nurse practitioner, and he agreed that working on breastfeeding wouldn't hurt.  It seemed like Micah certainly had the stamina and was ready for it!

I stayed Friday night at my dad's new apartment in Green Bay, and headed back to the hospital with the intention of staying in the hotel room for the next few nights. 

Thankfully, Micah picked up nursing right away!  He has been doing much better than previously!  In fact, he was doing so well that when he pulled out his feeding tube, they decided to just leave it out.  His oxygen level also changed on Saturday morning.  The doctor switched his cannula to a much smaller one with just 1/4 liter of flow (at 100%), and Micah did an amazing job!  His stats were great!

Eric brought the kids up on Saturday morning, and we spent some fun time at Bay Beach with Grandpa Cance.  It was a great day!  Afterward, Eric got to snuggle with his youngest baby, and I got to take the 2 older ones for a walk.  I found this great trail that is literally across the street from the hospital parking lot.  I burned off the rest of their energy (not that they had much left to begin with) before Daddy took them back home.  Grandpa Hawkins got to meet his newest grandson, too, when he and Grandma stopped by for a visit!

Out for a walk while Daddy visits with Micah.

I stayed and nursed him at night, and went back to Manitowoc on mid day on Sunday to pack up some supplies.  When I returned, they had switched him from 1/4 liter to 1/8 liter of flow, and he now has "ad lib" feeding times.  So far, he hasn't done as well with the reduced oxygen flow.  His oxygen saturation levels have been in the low 90's and dipping a bit lower at times.  I'm praying that he keeps up his hard work and raises his stats and tolerance level!  He has been needing to have his own feeding schedule for a while now, and the nurses know to call me whenever he's ready to eat.  He really has come quite far in the last 48 hours!!

The doc I talked to today guestimated that Micah might be able to come home as early as the end of the week or next weekend, depending on many factors.  Boy, this mama can't wait!  He has now been in the NICU for all 24 days since his birth... over 3 weeks!!!  We never would have initially thought that he'd still be in the hospital!  The doctors have said that boys tend to take longer to get better, and larger babies take longer, too.  With that in mind, I guess its not entirely surprising.  He is up to 8lbs 4.3oz! 

Peeking out from his swaddle that the nurse did for him on Sunday.

 

 

Happy birthday, Daddy!

Micah missed being home for Daddy's birthday (yesterday), but he said to send his love!  Today, Daddy got to hold him again, and Micah did a great job at melting Daddy's heart!  I think that Eric felt much more comfortable holding him today since his monitor wasn't beeping... at all!  That was a definite first!  Maybe he is starting to get better?!?  We noticed that Micah's weight had changed since yesterday.  He is up to 8lbs 2.3oz! 

Micah on daddy's birthday

Both are all pooped out while snuggling tonight!

He is also getting more of my milk, and the nurse asked permission to give him bottles when we're not there.  I don't really want him to want the bottle more than nursing, but the nurses assured me that they haven't seen problems with that.  The nurse said that it looked like Micah was soooo hungry and rooting at times.  She wants to help to soothe him.  I thought that maybe having a bottle every now and then might help him to get used to sucking to eat.  I told her that it was OK as long as it is not every time, or the feeding just before I arrive for nursing. 

A doctor that we haven't seen in a week or so stopped in to encourage us.  He said that Micah looks so much better than last time he was there, and that he is seeing improvements, though slower than initially anticipated.  It was so nice of him to stop by!

Thanks again to the friends who have been so gracious to us with watching Alena and Levi!  We all appreciate it!

A New Day

Like every other day for the last 17 days, I visited Micah.  He was up to 50% oxygen, and his monitor would beep whenever he got down to 95% oxygen saturation or below.  That is a significant change from the last 16 days.  The nurse commented that they're no longer trying to wean him off of the oxygen.  They want to keep his saturation high and not push him too much.  Of course, as parents, that's not exactly what we'd like to hear, and I think that Eric was a little discouraged.  I, as always, felt disheartened.

Before we left, we asked to talk to a doctor or nurse practitioner as they're the ones who are supposed to update us daily.  I always feel silly talking to them because up until now, it has been more of the same, day after day.  They'd say, "we need to take it a day at a time and follow Micah's lead."  Yes, I know that.  It also doesn't give me too much confidence or comfort.  I know he's being well taken care of, but it seemed like there were so many unknowns and we got vague answers.

Today was different.  The doctor asked us to explain what we understood as Micah's issues.  Eric did his best to summarize what we knew.  The doctor, in reply, went into more detail.  She said that Micah definitely has RDS (respiratory distress syndrome) which is common in premature babies.  She also explained that his chest x-rays have shown a bit of improvement - the pneumonia is pretty much gone.  A normal chest x-ray would show the lungs as black, full of air.  Micah's are various shades of grey, indicating they're not full of air.  She explained that Micah's lungs have looked more like a typical 32 week old baby's lungs rather than a 35 week old (which was his gestational age when born).  Given that, he should be starting to improve within the next 2 weeks as his lungs mature, getting closer to a gestational age that would have fully developed lungs.  She added that she is fairly certain that he also has high blood pressure in his lungs, also a reasonably common occurrence in his situation.  It seems that its another small complication to add to the mix, and one that needs gentle care.  He is still on the longer end as far as recovery time is concerned, but not out of the realm of normal. 

At that, I think things changed for me.  It helped me to realize that he probably does need a lot more time and help than I initially realized!  Quantifying his condition seemed to make things so much more clear to me!  The doctor added that if we don't see him improving within about 2 weeks, then we'd start looking at other options for additional help.  I feel like that is much more reasonable given the discussion we had tonight!  I now understand how the doctors changed tactics on his care:  they want to give him time to rest and heal.  They don't want to push him when he is simply trying to develop more!

It really is deceiving that he is so big, looking less like a newborn, and that everything else is so well developed on him!  Why didn't anyone level with us like that before?  In any case, I was so extremely thankful to the doctor for her frank conversation with us!  On the way home, I commented to Eric that I felt like a weight was lifted off of me.  I have more definite answers as to his condition and probable outcomes.  I now view his stay in a different, more secure, positive light!  Thank you doctor!

Father's Day 2013

Well, things haven't gone quite as we would have planned.  Just as Micah's early birth wasn't in our plans, nor was an extended NICU stay.  Micah hasn't really improved too much in the last few days.  In fact, he's back up to 3 liters of oxygen from 2 liters.  His oxygen percentage hasn't changed too much, either.  He is between 30 and 40 percent.  The blister on his head from the IV burst this weekend and they have to put an antibacterial cream on that spot.  Today, the doctor took a sample from the are to have it tested for viruses.  They had to put a new IV line in his arm to take care of the blister that formed on his head from the last IV.  The nurse practitioner we talked to yesterday indicated that Micah's breathing is slowing a bit and isn't fast as frequently as it was before, but only marginally.  Maybe I'm looking on the wrong side of things...

He isn't deathly ill, and has all of the help and care he should need.  The NICU in GB is the highest level of NICU care that is offered.  His echo-cardiogram was normal, indicating that his heart and all of that sort of development is totally normal.  He opens his eyes and looks right at me while attempting nursing.  And, when we do attempt, he has been doing fairly well for a baby who hasn't had much practice. 

As much as I seem to hold it together when talking to others about Micah's condition, I really feel so helpless and broken.  I cried today after talking to the doctor on the phone!  Some may say it's hormones, but know that I'm truly emotionally exhausted.  I'm having a tough time with the indefinite waiting, leaving my 2 week old baby day after day in the care of a nurse who may or may not care about him in a different city.  I second guess what more I could have done for him while pregnant or what I could be doing for him now.  I get tired of being in limbo, and being in a position where I need prolonged help with watching my kids so I can go visit my other kid!  It's so many things wearing on me (jeez, listen to me gripe!). 

It's even tough for me to see Eric yelling at our kids.  I often times need him to be OK with wrangling our other two if I'm going to put time and effort into breastfeeding and, thus, visiting Micah when I can.  I know that he's drained, too.  He has had to go to work and told me he thinks about Micah whenever it's his feeding time (8,11, 2, 5).  Consequently, he hasn't spent as much time with his newest son as I have.  He has been there for me more than he knows.  I value the fact that he is walking nearly the same road as I am.  He wakes up (but doesn't get out of bed) when I get up to pump, too, and picks up the slack when I have to do those "motherly" things. 

A pastor from our church called me on Friday and left a message saying that he and his wife have been praying for our family, and asked for an update.  I forwarded the message to Eric, knowing he needs to be able to talk to someone, too.  I was so thankful that he returned the call and the pastor prayed with him over the phone.  That is a huge blessing for me.  I know it meant a lot to Eric!

One thing is for sure, though.  God had all of this planned from the beginning.  He knew exactly what was going to happen, and knows how things will turn out.  He's the invisible arms that keep us plodding along, day after day, hour after hour.  He's watching over Micah when we're not there.  He is still sovereign and loving.  He's stretching us for our own good.  What does make me feel better?  When I lift my head from my own wallowings and selfishness and set my eyes on God.  He doesn't change, and has my best interest at heart ALL THE TIME.  Not just some of the time.  He is still good, powerful, and holy.  He not only watched, but sent His son to die. Not just to suffer, but die... so that others can live.  How much that must have broken the Father's heart.  I now know a piece of that. 

It was a huge blessing at church today to hear from so many people have been praying for us.  Humbling, really.  So many offered help of whatever kind!  I suppose I never really realized how much other people care about us, or just others in general.  Am I that loving? 

Anyway, it was my plan or hope, at least, to have Micah home by Father's Day... or by Eric's birthday (Tuesday).  I guess it's not Gods will, or his plan.  I suppose I'll wait on God's perfect plan ;)

Daddy feeding Micah earlier this weekend.

Baby Micah on Father's Day after his 5pm feeding.

"Milk drunk" on Father's Day.

Home Sans Baby

Yesterday (Thursday), I packed up all of my stuff from room 505 in the family accommodations area and checked out.  I figured not only did I need a break, but Grandpa and Grandma Cerkas could probably use a break, too!  The kids were both so tired, that they took REALLY long naps (Mommy napped, too).  It's nice to be able to be home, do my own laundry, unpack the kids stuff, and generally organize the way only Mom can. 

I did drive up to GB last night to visit and nurse Micah.  He seemed to be doing fine, a little down on his oxygen.  They also upped the amount he gets in his feedings since he seemed very hungry before his eating time!  He nursed a bit better, but it was short-lived.  He doesn't have a long capacity for nursing at this point.  I'm not sure if he's even swallowing milk as a lot just dribbles down his chin and cheeks. 

Of course, now that I'm not staying at the hospital, the nurse asked if I'd like them to start giving Micah bottles.  I don't really want him to have bottles as I won't be giving him very many bottles at all at home.  However, I'm considering letting them do a bottle of my milk, a day or something if it helps him to learn how to swallow milk.  I know that they won't let him go home until he is fully established with eating on his own. 

More than likely, I'll be checking back in to a room at the hospital on Saturday so that I can stay there and breastfeed for all of his feedings.  Still have to finalize that.  Eric and I are hoping to go up to GB for Micah's 5pm and 8pm feedings tonight, and discuss things with his doctor. 

Ups and Downs

Last weekend, Micah seemed to be improving.  Just after the last post, his need for oxygen went way down... to the point where he was breathing room air, but still had his cannula pushing air into his nose!  How awesome that was!  The staff allowed me to begin nursing, too (even though his breathing was still irregular).  I thought he started out great, and so did the nurse!  We tried about every other to every third feeding.  They said that learning to breastfeed can be exhausting for these little guys.  He would sometimes sleep through his next feeding after nursing. 

He didn't get a whole lot of milk, but was just learning what to do.  Of course he still got his usual tube feeding.  They even decided to switch his tube from his mouth to his nose so that he could get a better latch.  That did seem to make a difference. 

Unfortunately, it seemed like he was swallowing a lot of air during our sessions.  Halfway through his tube feeding, he would suddenly spit up and gag a bit. 

He also ended up needing more oxygen saturation and went back to a higher air flow :(  All this, combined with my post pregnancy hormones was a little too much for me.  I realized that I needed to get away from the NICU for a period of time.  In addition, I wasn't nursing really at all as his stats were dropping.  I called Eric and told him what I was feeling, and he agreed that I should leave and spend my first night at home since I left to deliver Micah.  The nurses in the NICU agreed that it might be a good idea, too.  What gave me comfort was that nurse K would be there the next day, and another nurse I was familiar with would be there that night. 

Eric was so great about it!  He called my dad (who now lives in Green Bay), and asked if he would be willing to pick me up and drive me home.  An hour later, my dad pulled up in front of the hospital in his yellow Corvette!  Thanks, Dad!

I was able to relax at home, spend time with Levi, and snuggle with Eric.  The overnight gave me the break in routine I thought I needed.  I even had time to organize a little bit in preparation for bringing a baby home! 

The next afternoon, I drove back up to the hospital, feeling better... until I visited Micah.  He hadn't improved at all.  It was so discouraging to me!  The nurse K said that she'd let the doctor know that I was there so she could talk to me.  All I could do was pray, "Lord, help me!  Lord, help me!"  I felt like I was about to start crying right then and there!

The doctor said that Micah's new chest x-ray was no worse than the last one several days prior.  She said he probably has inflammation in his lungs and that sometimes bigger babies (for gestational age) have a tougher time recovering.  Today, she also told me that his blood cultures came back normal and that there is no additional infection that she may have missed. 

I didn't have much to say to the doctor at that time as I was just trying to hold it together.  I did, however, break down a bit with nurse K.  She said she'd be praying for Micah, too, as we are
 a special family to her.  She really didn't have to be so kind, and I'm so thankful for her!



After a late Tuesday night bath.  The crazy hairdo is due in part to the residual tape glue still gunked in his hair!

Today, Micah seems to be doing a bit better.  He's on less oxygen and less flow of oxygen.  I'd really like for that to keep up :)  He also has a rash on his bottom and some thrush in his mouth, which is mostly due to the antibiotics that he finished up on Monday night.  Thankfully, another super awesome nurse removed the IV that was in Micah's scalp.  The only issue with that is that there is a bit of a blister on his head from a complication with the IV.  These aren't really serious issues, but are just annoyances more than anything.  The thrush might impede his breastfeeding and could spread to me.  I'll be calling my doc tomorrow to help prevent that by using a special cream. 

He did start to breastfeed a bit again, but I'm really taking it slowly with him.  He still seems to swallow a lot of air, but latches on well (as far as I can tell).  I'd like to see him improve his overall health before hitting nursing more vigorously. 

Because of all of that, I'm probably going to be heading home for a couple of days.  Eric and I can always come up to visit in the evenings, and I can move back into the family accommodations when Micah is ready to be nursing on a regular basis.  Hopefully that will be this weekend. 

It would be so nice if he was home for Father's Day on Sunday, but its really not looking likely at all.  Eric's birthday is on the 18th which would be a great birthday gift as well.  Maybe that is more doable.  I can't wait to introduce Micah to all of the people who have been praying for him!  More than that, I really long to be a complete family!  Alena and Levi haven't been able to visit Micah, and won't be able to see him until he comes home :(  They ask about him all the time, and see me pumping.  They know about him, but have no reality to put with it!

It'll be nice to be able to take Micah outside and snuggle him without the incessant beeping of one monitor or another in the room.  Or the wires that seem everywhere!  Just do normal things, like being sleep deprived, or taking a nap together.  Eric reminds me that our time will come before I know it!  He also reminds me that things could be a lot worse! 

Smiling for Grandma Hawkins on Wednesday evening!

 

My mom came over to Green Bay today, and brought Alena back with her.  Eric also came up in part to retrieve Alena, but more importantly to see and hold his son!  It was nice to have my mom stay overnight with me and I'm sure Micah appreciated having more loving hands holding him.  Thanks again to everyone in my life that is helping me to juggle all of the balls that are in the air!

More Amusement

Tonight, Eric and I helped a different nurse to switch Micah to a smaller bed that doesn't have all the bells and whistles.  It'll give us more room to move around in his little cubicle, and gets rid of the clutter that he doesn't need. 

Since Micah was so warm when the nurse took his temp, Micah didn't need to be wrapped up!  YAY!  He did, however, get some clothes!  It was hilarious watching his somewhat confused and befuddled face as the nurse wriggled him into his first clothing!  It was pretty cool that Micah wasn't crying or fussing!  I was giggling, just because of the look on his face, and was hoping the nurse didn't mind!  Isn't is just the little things that make your day more often that not?

In addition, Micah's stats were great afterward.  He seems to have much more stable stats when he's awake and alert, or after he has been jostled a bit.  We'll see if that continues :)

That same nurse told me that he'd call a lactation consultant to meet with me tomorrow morning in anticipation of starting to nurse Micah!!  HORRAY!!!  I've really been waiting for that!  It's not a for sure that I'll be able to nurse him right away (his respiratory rate needs to slow), but definitely a step in the right direction!!

The Great NICU Poop Explosion!

Oh, thank you, Lord, for the gift of laughter!!  Today and tonight, we were blessed with laughter and a glimpse of hope! 

This afternoon, as I was washing up parts of my pump in the NICU, I could hear Micah getting pretty worked up, crying.  His nurse commented that he was crying more loudly than she had ever heard him before.  I happily commented that it was good exercise for him!  He really hasn't been very fussy at all, and tolerates his situation relatively well.  He rebels more by pulling on his wires and nasal cannula.

The nurse then started his cares (which happens every 3 hours), which included taking his temperature, changing his diaper, and feeding.  When I turned to return to Micah's bed, I heard a wet, explosion fart.  The nurse made a startled sound and commented that she had to have a quick reaction!  Yes, Micah projectile pooped during the diaper change, spraying a bit of poop on his bed!

As the nurse started to clean up that mess, I saw and heard another explosion (combined with a little baby grunt).  The nurse exclaimed, "Oh boy, I've got poop all over me, now, too!"  She really just had poop on her hand, but there was also more poop all over his bed!  And then he pushed one more wet fart out!!!  It was hilarious!!!  The nurse and I were laughing together, which really lightened the day! 

I held the last of 3 diapers on his little dupa as the nurse went to the sink to clean herself up.  Lucky for me, there was no more poop, not that we needed any more!  Then, I looked at Micah's face just in time to see that he had single handily yanked his cannula out of his nose and was pretty much chewing on it!  The funniest part was that he was inadvertently pulling down his cheeks since the cannula is stuck with tape-ish stuff to his face!!  He had that scary eye look, but looked so innocent doing it!!

When she returned, she folded up his soiled blankets so as not to spread the mess, fixed his cannula, and grabbed a fresh diaper.  She quickly slipped the diaper under him, but then had to turn Micah's alarm off.  She left the diaper open and distracted us just long enough for Micah to pee on his own face, all over his body, and bed!!!  Good grief!  I quickly got that diaper on before something crazy happened!

Of course, I stuck around to help the nurse (by holding my baby) to strip Micah's bed.  She commented that she has never had anything like that happen in her 30 some years of NICU nursing!!  Leave it to my kid!  The laughter relieved some stress and was just a great break for me!!  Thank you, Jesus!!

Friday

Well, we're still here at Baycare.  The stay is starting to seem long, and I feel like I'm in a haze.  It has been really sweet having Eric here with me.  I think that it makes me feel better that there's someone in it with me!  I can talk with him about the situation and whatever else and he understands more than anyone (except God, of course). 

A HUGE thank you to those of you who have been watching Alena and Levi!!  We're so thankful!! 

Micah is slowly making progress.  I'm beginning to get a little impatient with the lack of progress in the last 24 hours, but the doctor reminded me that he has made great gains since Monday.  I'm hoping and praying that we can start nursing ASAP!  We're basically waiting for his respiratory rate to be even and at around the 60's per minute.  Right now he'll fluctuate from the 40's to 90's. 

He no longer has any wires or tiny tubes going into his umbilical cord stump.  The IV they have in his hand is no longer hooked up to anything and is just used to administer his antibiotics.  He seems happier, but his level of need for oxygen hasn't decreased much in the last 24 hours.  Frustrating!

Today, a dear friend, Jessica, stopped by and so did Grandpa and Grandma Cerkas.  Grandma got to hold Micah for the first time, and helped to "feed" him (through is tube).  We also got our first pic of Eric holding his son :)

Wednesday

Today, Eric headed back to Manitowoc for most of the day.  My Uncle Doug was scheduled to stop by to install a new central air conditioning unit, and we didn't want to miss that!  We're so thankful for him helping us out and saving us some money! 

Eric brought Levi to our friend Jessica, who will keep him overnight tonight.  Yesterday, we weren't able to have much of a family fun day because it was raining.  Since we had only a short amount of time, we ended up going to a McDonalds playland.  The kids had fun and were able to burn off some energy.

In the afternoon, I drove Alena and Levi to Wittenburg where I met my Aunt Mary.  She and her family will be caring for Alena (totally a paradise for her) for the remainder of the week.  Both kids were very tired, and Levi slept for a portion of the drive.  Alena perked up as soon as she switched cars and was a regular chatty cathy.  Levi stayed overnight with Eric and I in our "hotel" room, but we're very happy that it was only for one night!  He has been so whiney and doesn't seem to have a volume control.  He didn't fall asleep until after 10pm, even after his shorter than normal nap! 

It will sure be nice to not have to worry about watching our older ones for a few days so we can concentrate on Micah!  Eric has been running errands here, there, and everywhere!  We're both quite tired!  He could really use some rest and time with Micah, I'm sure!

Today, I was able to tie up some loose ends at work (basically conveying that no, I don't want to be informed about work stuff right now... I've got enough on my plate!), updating family members, making arrangements for Levi, visiting Micah, eating when I can, and, of course, pumping every 3 hours!  It doesn't sound like much, but it is really quite busy for me!  That, combined with a bit of stress, kind of planning for the unknown and hazy days ahead, and post-partum hormones have made me a little more emotional and less stable than usual.  Boy, I can't wait to spend some time alone with Eric, and, ultimately, to bring our sweet baby boy home! 

On the Micah front: 

He was a bit jaundiced yesterday, so he was placed under that special lighting during the day.  By evening, his levels had dropped and he no longer needed it.  Today, his biliruben levels were about the same as the evening before.  The nurse practitioner said that at this point in his age, the biliruben levels tend to start dropping, so he may be in the clear!  Praise God for one less thing!

He had been using less and less oxygen, and has absolutely been irritated by his c-pap breathing apparatus, that they decided to take it off and use only a nasal cannula!  Awesome!  I've been informed that he will need some adjustment time, and extra oxygen as he gets used to it.  He seemed so much happier, but his blood oxygen levels weren't doing as well.  I'm praying he is able to keep just the cannula as it is not only a step in the right direction, but much more comfy for him.  He is able to open his eyes with it, and is easier to kiss :) 

Afternoon nap shot after being fed.

Mama and baby Micah... with his eyes open!  He melts mommy's heart!

I got the chance to hold him three times today.  He seemed to relax and it is a stress reliever for me.  I feel like I'm actually doing something constructive.  I stroke his face and encourage him to keep fighting.  I think he really wants to go home, but I know he has a lot of work to do to get there! 

This evening, his blood oxygen levels were great, so we're hoping they stay that way!  He was so content and acting more like the little healthy baby he's growing into!

Things to pray for:

• That Micah's respiration rate would slow and that he would require less oxygen!  Once he moves in this direction, I can start to nurse him, and we'll eventually be on the road to discharge!
• For the amazing nursing staff, many of whom have been family and patient advocates!  I'm so thankful for them!  Pray that we continue to have caring, loving nurses!
• My emotional and physical health.  I feel crazy with these hormones and am quite tired.
• That we would turn to God in our weakness and be a witness to those around us!

Thanks to all who are lifting our family up in prayer! 

A new week!

With the new week come new challenges.  We've been working on plans for Alena and Levi to stay at friends/family members homes to free Eric and I up for Micah.  Today, I feel a bit guilty for leaving my other kids for one who doesn't even interact with me.  Eric went home for today and overnight so the kids can have some time at home.  I'm so thankful for him!  He mowed the lawn, did laundry, ran errands, and took care of the kids!  What a guy!  To  morrow they'll all come up to Green Bay to have a family fun day!  I could really use some family time away from the hospital, even if it is only for a few hours!

Levi will stay overnight with us, which he'll love!  He's such a mommy's boy and I'm sure he could use some snuggles!  Alena will be going to Rhinelander with my Aunt Mary and cousin Olivia.  They've agreed to take her for most of the remainder of the week.  My mom lives 30 minutes away from them as well, and loves to spend time with Alena, so it will be a special time.

I've been feeling tired, too.  I've been getting up at night to pump milk, so I haven't been getting continuous nights of rest.  Just like having a newborn at home :)  I need to keep reminding myself to rely on God's power and rest in His peace. 

Micah has been stable today.  He is using slightly less oxygen than yesterday, which is a slight improvement.  He was agitated and bucky for a lot of the morning and into the afternoon.  He keeps on trying to remove his various tubes and wires.  Somehow, I think that this will only gets worse as he gets healthier! 

This evening, I visited him twice, and he was calm and sleeping each time.  I didn't really want to hold him since I thought he could use the rest after his active morning.  Instead, I sat next to his bed, held his hand and gently stroked the stray hairs that stick out between the straps on his head. 

When I'm there at the right time, the nurses have also been allowing me to feed him some of my milk into his tummy tube.  It's a rather uneventful thing, but is more symbolic.  It makes me feel like I'm helping him in some small way.  I'm ever so grateful that he is able to have my milk, though.  Maybe it will be the magic trick to help him turn the corner more quickly!  I can only pray it is!

We're still very thankful for uneventful days and nights!  As the doctors have said, "no news is good news."  Tonight I'm praying for:

• Stamina to get through each day as my mommy hormones fluctuate
• Discernment in making plans for the rest of this week
• Peace to not worry about all of the unknowns in the days and weeks ahead.
• Trust in God's provision for every member of my family
• Of course to the Great Physician for Micah's quick healing and lung development. 
• We want to be a witness to those around us in the NICU of the power of prayer and trusting in the Lord
• Thankful for another good day and the abilities of the medical staff

One last thought before I pump and go to sleep... We chose the name Micah not only because we liked the name, but it means, "who is like God?"  I need to remember that when I say his name, and use it as a mighty power source.  Because, honestly, who is like God?

In the NICU

Before Micah was transported to Green Bay, the doctor put a trachea tube in so Micah could have the breathing support he needed.  In the NICU, he had that in for about 24 hours before it was removed.  They tried to just utilize a nasal canula of oxygen after that, but Micah was wearing himself out breathing on his own.  He didn't do very well with just that.  Not surprisingly, he needed more help.  Since then, he has had what I interpret as a C-pap.  It's plastic tubing and a small mask that go over his nose.  It not only gives him oxygen, but creates a pressurized seal that helps him to breath easier. 

Saying goodbye before Micah is transported to Green Bay! 3 hours old!

Such a cute little bugger!

Quick shot of Micah with just the nasal canula. 1 day old! 

Saturday was a day of rest for all of us!  We were all so pooped from Friday's whirlwind that we really tried to take it easy!  Micah was very tired, too, and slept without fuss for pretty much the entire day!  It was so nice to have a place for Eric and I to crash where we still had easy access to our newborn!  He did get to meet his Auntie Ashley, and Grandma Hawkins. 

Sunday, we had lots of visitors.  Micah got to meet Grandpa and Grandma Cerkas, Uncle Timmy, Jeremy and Leslie Edwards.  He really isn't much to see with his face all squished up and all of the wires protruding from him, but it's nice for Eric and I to be able to share our experience a bit! 

Earlier in the day, Eric and I said a quick good morning to Micah, and then went to church... it's just how we roll :) When we returned, the nurse offered for me to hold him.  The only time I was truly able to hold him prior to that was when he was placed on my belly for a few minutes after birth, so I jumped at the chance.  Just writing this a day later is bringing tears to my eyes because of what a blessing that nurse was to us that day!  Two nurses worked on untangling his wires, bundled him up and placed him in my arms.  I held him gingerly as his monitor would go off here and there, but it felt amazing to have my baby in my arms for those 30 minutes!  Since he's covered in straps and wires, I just stared at him, prayed over him, and took in his sweet smell.  I only wish Eric would have had the chance, too.  His time will come. 

 

 

Micah Andrew Part 3

Our little Micah was born at 3:27 pm on May 31, 2013, and weighed an amazing 7lbs 9oz!

After Micah was born, he seemed to be having trouble breathing, pretty much right away.  After the umbilical cord stopped pulsing and was cut, the nurse took Micah to the baby "warming station" to monitor him more closely.  She gave him some oxygen and suctioned out his mouth.  It was pretty clear that he needed some extra help and attention.  They paged the on-call pediatrician and took Micah to the nursery. 

From what we could tell and what the nurses and doctor conveyed, it was pretty clear that he needed to be transferred to Green Bay's Baycare NICU.  Eric and I were concerned for Micah's welfare, but know from our experience with Alena (she was in the NICU for 4 days after birth for breathing problems), that going to the NICU could only benefit Micah.  He would get great care there! 

Thankfully, my OB doctor seemed to sense the situation, and had given preliminary orders to my nurse that I could be discharged 4 hours after birth, provided my condition looked good.  So, I was discharged without delay at 7:30pm.  Prior to my discharge, my mom called ahead to Baycare to reserve a room in the family accommodations floor of the hospital, and Eric headed home to pack some bags for the kids and us.

After the decision to transfer Micah was made, a medical team was dispatched from the Baycare NICU.  Eric and I got to spend a few minutes with Micah just prior to the team's arrival, but then had to leave as the team stabilized him for transport.  Before they put him in the transporting incubator, we said a temporary goodbye. 

Eric and I stopped by his parents' home to say goodbye to Alena and Levi before we headed up to GB.  We are extremely thankful for Eric's parents for taking our two rugrats without hesitation!  We know they can be tiring, but it has given us so much comfort to know they're well taken care of!  One less worry!

At this juncture we finally had time to relax a bit and be thankful for the whole whirlwind of a day!  We are so thankful that the NICU is relatively close to Manitowoc, and know firsthand that their expertise is awesome!  My nurse, Jenny, worked so well as a patient advocate all day and worked extremely hard to stabilize little Micah in the hours after his birth!  Her generosity, kindness, and encouraging words won't be forgotten!  My how we are blessed!

Micah Andrew Part 2

Next, the task was to get contractions going.  Though Eric and I hadn't had our chance to formally talk over labor and delivery preferences, we both agreed that avoiding chemically starting labor was a major preference.  The doctor gave us until about noon to get labor started.  Since triage and initial monitoring took until about 10:30am or so, that didn't leave us much time!

We started walking the halls (since I couldn't leave), but my contractions were the same as they had been for a few weeks.  The doctor returned a little after noon to check to see if I had progressed.  I was only measuring at 2cm dilated with not much to report for contractions.  With that, the doc ordered that I start pitocin to jump start labor.  The nurse quietly told me that she'd give me a little more time, but only until about 1pm.  She actually even brought in the bag of pitocin, but didn't hook it up.

Once I was again able, I sat on an exercise ball and began to use some more natural techniques to start labor, and continued to pray.  I was pleasantly surprised and extremely thankful when my contractions started to get markedly stronger, and much more regular!  The doctor returned at some point to rechecked my cervix, offering a foley catheter to help ripen my cervix.  Everyone was encouraged when he said I had dilated to 4cm, and was beyond the point where the cath would help! 

With things moving right along and wanting to keep it that way, Eric, my mom (she arrived around then), and I continued to walk the halls and take each contraction as they came.  Each one was noticeably stronger than the last and everything was moving along quickly! 

Our nurse told me to let her know when I was starting to feel pressure or an urge to push.  A little after 3pm, I started feeling pressure and the contractions were extremely strong!  The nurse checked and said I was at 8cm.  Soon thereafter, she paged the doctor and started getting the room ready for delivery.  A few minutes later, the doc checked again and said I was still at 8cm and he'd like to wait 15 mins to allow my cervix to efface a bit more.  He left the room, as I was struggling though more contractions.

In what seemed like 2 minutes (Eric says 1-2 contractions or 4 mins) later, I could feel baby's head moving downward, and quickly!!  I yelled, "He's coming now!  He'd coming now!!"  I felt like my body was completely taking over and I couldn't control how I was pushing him out during contractions!  I remember the nurse saying to "blow the urge to push away," which I tried, but wasn't very successful with. 

(this is according to Eric...) Meanwhile, the nurse hit a button, and in ran another nurse.  They scrambled to call the doctor back and make the final prep for birth.  The doc came back very quickly, got dressed, and said he could see the baby's hair!

I couldn't help but push with each contraction.  My body was taking over!  I wasn't very aware of other things going on in the room as everything in me was getting so incredibly intense!  Minutes later, probably as soon as the doc sat down, Micah was born!  My body felt so relieved and I was able to physically relax a bit!  How amazing!

Micah got to spend a few precious minutes on my belly before needing extra care from the nursing staff.

In this part, we are again extremely thankful for the many ways God worked!  He started the contractions for us and moved things along very quickly!  Our prayer warriors and we had been praying for that!  A dear friend text messaged me reminding me to "Trust Jesus."  Oh how encouraging those 2 words were!  He gave me the strength to have a relatively drug-free birth.  I had to be on antibiotics periodically because of Micah's prematurity, and they gave me pitocin after birth, but I had nothing else!!  Praise God!!  Again and again we have been reminded of God's sovereignty and our confidence comes from a deep knowledge that His ways are higher than our ways!  Oh praise Him!